Well I've decided that sometime late at night during the past week, someone snuck into my window and impregnated me and somehow I'm already in month 8. I've been having the most vicious, heart wrenching mood swings. i thought it was about time I should tell people is all.

They're really bad. A couple days ago I tried doing some character sketches for me and Rae-chan's up-coming web comic (still to be named) because I just felt really creative. Then I tossed the pad across the room about 15 minutes later because I hated the designs. I've been watching "uprising" the last couple days. About the Jews in the Warsaw ghetto in Poland during WW2 who fought back against the Nazis. Shit I almost burst into tears. I do that rarely about television, heart wrenching or not.

Last night when Laurie was talking about al her problems with her friends and brother, for some reason I started thinking about my parents fighting and hitting eatchother in front of me when I was little and I was all of depressed for about and hour in a really deep dark one too. Then I was off playing playstation and lauging at "Undergrads". I went from just barely suicidal to laughing until my stomach hurt.

And I really miss Amber. A couple days ago Janelle came back online ^_^ then all I thought about was Lisa, and when we were playing as dragon riders and I had just started reading Anne McGaffrey (sp?) and it got me so so depressed. Then today when Esha told me that I should send FFTactics to Amber straight away. ~_~ christ. Amber if you're reading this could you send me an e-mail? even just a couple words. Sinking into depression again. Is it just me or can you feel it when it hits you so suddenly?

I don't know what more to say. I've probably all ready made all my friends concerned. Sorry I wasn't online tonight, I felt sick to my stomach. I feel sick to my stomach again now but I just want to keep typing. keep typing until someone gets on. When would that be? tomorrow? I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I wish my parents would let me take personal days. If I didn't have the horrible painful flu a couple weeks ago I'd fake sick.

Amber your game and the pocky will be sent out probably next monday. I need to ask the mail-guy if there would be any problem sending it, not to mention re-package the pocky, again. I'm really sick of staring at the stuff.

No luck staying on all night typing, being forced to bed by dad. I think I need the sleep anyway. Shit. Which reminds me that I forgot to do my english homework. And that also reminds me about my stupid printer. Could you believe it fucks up the day I go home to print out a History project too late for me to go to my grandma's and print it there? Sounds like some horrible excuse.

Been typing for 17 minutes now. Good night everyone. I feel so ultra depressed but calm. It's an odd feeling I've never had before. I' think I'll go hug my Ami-chan plushie to sleep. I don't care what people say, I'm me so screw off. If that's what I want to then that's what I will do.

I most likely won't see you tomorrow, will be at my mom's after I type up my stuff at Grandma's so I can print the damn stuff. If you guys are on around 4:30 then I'll definitely see you. I love you all. Quite seriously. I couldn't iumagine not having you people around. Did this turn from a blog to more of a letter? Sweetdreams everyone. No more ranting from me.

No chance I'm editing this.

Been awake since 10:44:10 PM