I've been feeling a lot better since Wednesday until quite very recently. I came on AIM today hoping to see some friends, my Rae-chan included. This is what I loggede on to...

Kuro Samhain: WAI!! ^_____^
Kuro Samhain: Yup!
Kuro Samhain: And Amber's over. @@
Kuro Samhain: On the floor...
Ryouri Kenkaku: o_o
Kuro Samhain: o_o
Ryouri Kenkaku: o_O
Kuro Samhain: She wants me to tell you she's dead. XD
Ryouri Kenkaku: Oh no! OO *hugs and kisses Rae-chan* We can work around it though can't we?
Kuro Samhain: *nod*nod* ^_^ Since Amber and Sapphire were all sniggly in front of me earlier... x_x
Ryouri Kenkaku: That wasn't nice of them >_> *gives you a big long soft romantic drawn out kiss*
Kuro Samhain: x_x She just left... crap.
Kuro Samhain: Hang on. ~_~
Ryouri Kenkaku: drat oo
Ryouri Kenkaku: Oh, okies
Kuro Samhain: I don't know where she went... ~_~
Ryouri Kenkaku: Why did she leave? oo
Kuro Samhain: Because of what you said. x_x
Ryouri Kenkaku: x_<
Kuro Samhain: She read it and took the dog's bunny plushie somewhere in the house. ~_~
Kuro Samhain: I should go... Jack'll be home soon anyway. ~_~
Ryouri Kenkaku: Now I feel like an ass
Ryouri Kenkaku: ok... ;-; *huge huggles* bye
Kuro Samhain: *huggles* Bye. ;-;

I am quite sick of Amber deciding Rae and I cannot show any affection towards eatchother if she's around... or even if she's not for that matter. I think it stems from jealousy. I really don't like it. It get's me at the core. Here's what happened after...

Kuro Samhain: N/m... I found her. x_o
Kuro Samhain: Well... she found ME... O_o;;
Ryouri Kenkaku: Where was she oo
Ryouri Kenkaku: Oh oO
Kuro Samhain: She's not really mad. >_o
Ryouri Kenkaku: How can you lose her in your house anyway oo
Kuro Samhain: At me at least. @@ She says she's mad at you. o_o
Ryouri Kenkaku: Oh x_x *was in the process of writing a mean blog*
Ryouri Kenkaku: o_o well then maybe I will write it
Kuro Samhain: Amber says you "can get over it." o_o
Kuro Samhain: *is making a layout for the God Land RPB with a picture of flan Amber sent her* XD
Ryouri Kenkaku: ¬¬ I cannot get over it when she does it every single time you and I show any sign of affection
Ryouri Kenkaku: Cool ^_^
Kuro Samhain: Amber: I wonder why
Ryouri Kenkaku: You're making me angry Amber. it's not very often you do either
Ryouri Kenkaku: But I'm stopping this now, Rae shouldn't have to sit through it
Kuro Samhain: Amber: Tch...

Childish ne? Amber if you're reading this I want you to know I am extremely angry. You've done it before but this is pushing it.

Been awake since 9:03:25 PM

Wednesday, May 16

I feel horrible

I don't know why, I just do. I feel like someone threw me onto the ground and kicked me around for an hour as I cried for help and went un-noticed. But I've no clue why. I think my life right now is just... suffice it to say realising itself to me. My family life is horrible, everyone at eathothers throats. I find comfort in my realitives, my Grandma Jenny, uncle Vince, Grandpa David and Grandma Carol... But my immediate family no way. I'm probably part to blame, I don't help matters with my impatience.

Then school. No doubt I'm failing pre-calc. I looked in the mark book, I have a 26... And it's due to laziness. Pure laziness. I mean I don't do my work. Almost never. I go home home and sit down to do homework and it just doesn't happen, If I even get that far. It's not like I can't do it. I can. I can do it all but I just don't and it's completely my fault.

I feel sick. To my stomach and in my head. I want to go to a dark corner and stay there. I don't want to come back out into the world I decided was perfect and did't thik anyting could happen to me. That for some reason I was exempt from pain. It's a startling realisation and I'm finding out way too late.

Give me my dark corner so I can be away from everything. Let me stay there forever and not inconvinience myself or the world. Let me disappear.

Sorry everyone, it's just how I feel.

Been awake since 6:07:30 PM